Chapter 3: Criticism & Lack of Encouragement

In our study of a Christian Woman’s Self Esteem, we are looking at how criticism & lack of encouragement can affect our self esteem in a negative way. It is hard to have a positive, healthy self esteem if you’re always being criticized, put down, compared to others or simply underappreciated. The only form of criticism that can be good is the loving gesture of constructive criticism, which are often times sought after. Any other form of criticism is negative, usually hurtful & can only serve to damage your self esteem.

Criticizing:

Criticism is nothing new; it has been around since the beginning of time. As Christians, we are warned not to participate in such actions. Philippians 2:14 tells us to do everything without complaining or arguing. Matthew 7:1-2 commands us not to judge and Ephesians 4:29 & 31-32 says “do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is good for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind & compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Partaking in these things will affect others in a negative way, hurting others self-esteem and hurting ones Spirituality and the Church as well.

Taking a closer look at Criticism:

Webster’s dictionary uses four definitions to describe criticism:

1. To evaluate (constructive criticism)

2. To stress the faults (chronic fault finder)

3. To complain (grippers with a bad attitude)

4. To judge (self righteous attitude)

Of these 4, only “to evaluate” or “constructive criticism” could be a positive influence on one’s self esteem.

Reason’s people criticize:

Because they have a poor self image of themselves and in turn, they lift themselves up by stepping on others.

Self-righteous attitude or one who has walked the Christian walk for so long that they’ve forgotten that there purpose as a Christian is as much to “walk with the Saints” as it is to help the sinners & the fallen find their way to Christ. If anyone ever had the right to “point fingers” it would have been Jesus. If we follow his example we will be more humble & helpful than judgmental.

Jealousy is such an ugly thing. It will cause a person to hold a grudge & criticize just because they are jealous of you or don’t agree with your opinion on something. If you may have offended this person, Read what Jesus taught in Matthew 5:23-24. A kind word will do wonders for your relationship.

Bad Habits are the worst form of criticism to break. For this person, being critical of others has simply become a way of life & they probably don’t even realize they are doing it.

In order to break free from the critical attitudes that dampen our Christianity, we must learn to overcome them. Below are a few suggestions for doing so:

1. Think Positively! Critical thinking leads to criticism. Remember that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Set high standards and live up to those. Your heart will in turn be filled with a more positive, uplifting attitude in return.

2. Be quiet! Jesus instructs us in Matthew 12:36-37 that we will give an account of every idle word. So choose your words wisely, If you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything….., and if you can’t keep your mouth shut, simply say “bless your heart”!

3. Learn the facts! Unless you’ve walked in that person’s shoes, you do not know what their going through. So take the time to get to know that person & their troubles or keep your opinions to yourself. Just be careful that if you do “take the time”, it’s done in love for the edifying of our Father & not for personal gossip’s sake.

4. Choose your words carefully! When dealing with another person’s “situation”, remember it is theirs! If you speak of any matter concerning another, not only should we choose our words carefully but our actions as well. Facial expressions, body language, laughter at the wrong time, all portray your true heart.

5. Evaluate! You may THINK that your criticism is “constructive” but just because you’ve learned all the facts, doesn’t mean that your constructive opinion is needed. If the thought of talking to this person continues to pull at your heart, pray about it for a time before you go to this person to ensure that 1. You should. 2. That you do it in the proper Godley manner 3. That you choose your words carefully. 4. Do it privately

Being Criticizing:

Yes, criticizing goes both ways. Often criticism is directed to those who are doing the most! All leaders, whether church or community, will be criticized more often than others. So in order for us as Christian’s to be more than a bench warmer, we must learn to deal with these bad forms of criticism.

Jane McWorter made some great point’s on this subject in her book, “Let This Cup Pass”

1. “Be rational.” Examine the criticism and see if it is needed before lashing back. Remember that even if it was unjust, you do not want to stoop to their level. It should be easier to forgive them, than to have to seek forgiveness for your actions later!

2. “Act instead of reacting “. Remember Proverbs 14:22 and be the master of your own situation. “Don’t allow other to decide how you are going to act!”

3. “Bite your tongue”. Don’t be too quick to lash back, leaving yourself with regrets. If you are offended, remember #2 above and allow time to pass and pray about it. Be mature and do not allow yourself to be offended to easily. I believe as you follow the examples in the book and build your self esteem, this will be easier to do.

4. “Learn to forgive”. Remember we must forgive, if we expect Christ to forgive us. If this is a problem for you, dedicate your Bible Study to it. The Bible has much to say about forgiveness.

5. “Smother your critics with kindness”. Bless those who persecute you Romans 2:14. It is hard for someone to continue to be critical, when they do not receive the reaction (anger, upset, back lash) they expected. Bless their hearts and remember that sometimes you have to be the better person. Pray that your example, will cause that person to see kindness instead of negative actions.

6. “Should the matter be addressed?” Occassionally a situation will arise that does need to be addressed. However, you must allow TIME before doing this. Time to think it over when your not feeling hurt, angry, etc. Time to Pray about it & meditate on the topic in God’s word. Afterwards if you still feel the need to “address it” do so in Love, in a timely manner.

7. “Try sublimation”. Let’s face it…, sometimes we can do all of the above and the situation still leaves us angry! Choose to channel this negative energy into something positive! Exercise, Run, dive into God’s word, do something good for someone (a card, cook something for someone, etc) DON’T ALLOW THIS NEGATIVE ENERGY TO CONTROL YOU!!!!

Criticism is a part of life…, a part of life that hurts! Criticism affects our self esteem in a negative way, whether we are receiving it or giving it. I hope this lesson will allow your self esteem to be under God’s control and not men’s.